--- title: "The thank-you letter you keep putting off is worth writing" url: https://magnanimo.us/daily/2026-10-30-gratitude-letter/ description: "Studies of gratitude letters found writers underestimate how happy and surprised recipients feel, and overestimate the awkwardness. Here's what to know." type: daily section: "Today's Kindness" published: 2026-10-30 updated: 2026-10-30 author: The Magnanimous Editors publisher: Magnanimous (https://magnanimo.us/) --- Today's Kindness · Science of giving # The thank-you letter you keep putting off is worth writing People who write gratitude letters guess the recipient will feel a little awkward. Recipients mostly feel surprised and delighted, and the writer gets a lift too. By [The Magnanimous Editors](https://magnanimo.us/about/#editors) · Published Friday, October 30, 2026 · 3 min read · 5 linked sources Think of someone who changed your life a little: a teacher, a coach, the neighbor who drove you to the hospital, the manager who took a chance on you. Have you ever told them, in detail, what they did? Most of us haven't. Research on one of the simplest exercises in psychology, the gratitude letter, suggests we hold back for the wrong reasons. ## The gratitude visit The idea got a boost in 2005, when the psychologist Martin Seligman and colleagues tested several happiness exercises in a randomized, placebo-controlled online study, published in [American Psychologist](https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.60.5.410). One asked people to write a letter of thanks to someone they had never properly thanked, then deliver it. According to the [Greater Good Science Center's summary](https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/gratitude_letter) of the evidence, of the five exercises tested, "writing and delivering a Gratitude Letter showed the greatest benefit to people's happiness one month later." It didn't last forever. Six months on, Greater Good notes, "their happiness had dropped back down to where it was before," which is why some researchers suggest repeating the exercise "once every six weeks or so." The original participants were "largely white, middle-aged adults with college degrees," and later cross-cultural work suggests the benefits may be smaller in some cultures. In one study, South Koreans got less of a lift from the exercise than Americans, and Indian adults reported feeling more guilty and indebted afterward. So it's a good practice, not a cure-all. ## We misjudge the reader In 2018 Amit Kumar and Nicholas Epley looked at the other side of the envelope: the person who gets the letter. In experiments published in *Psychological Science*, they asked people to write a gratitude letter to someone who had touched their life, then predict how surprised, happy and awkward the recipient would feel. Then they asked the recipients. The writers were too pessimistic on every count. As the researchers put it, quoted by the [University of Chicago](https://news.uchicago.edu/story/people-underestimate-value-sending-letters-appreciation), "Expressers significantly underestimated how surprised recipients would be about why expressers were grateful, overestimated how awkward recipients would feel, and underestimated how positive recipients would feel." Epley summed it up for [Chicago Booth Review](https://www.chicagobooth.edu/review/2018/december/why-we-underestimate-power-expressing-gratitude): "Expressers recognized that their recipient would feel good, but recipients still felt even better than the expressers expected." Two things tend to hold writers back. One familiar excuse, as the UChicago summary notes, is assuming the other person already knows you're grateful, which is exactly why the surprise gets underestimated. The other is worrying about saying it well. The recipients didn't care about polish: they were moved, as the UChicago summary puts it, "simply by the warmth of the gesture." "It suggests that thoughts about how competently people can express their gratitude may be a barrier to expressing gratitude more often in everyday life," Kumar said. The [Association for Psychological Science](https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/people-underestimate-the-power-of-saying-thanks.html) notes that recipients reported "even more surprise and delight than what the senders expected." That fits a broader pattern in how people misjudge kindness, which our [science of giving](https://magnanimo.us/science-of-giving/) guide covers along with the findings that have held up and the ones that haven't. ## Today's act **The act:** Write one gratitude letter today. Greater Good suggests budgeting about 10 minutes to write it, and at least 30 minutes if you deliver it in person. - Pick someone you never properly thanked. Name exactly what they did and how it changed things for you. - Don't polish. Plain and specific beats eloquent. The research says the warmth is what lands. - Deliver it in person or on a call if you can, and read it aloud. Otherwise mail it, or email it if that's what will actually happen. - Put a reminder in your calendar six weeks out to write the next one. Want to bring the habit to your team? Our guide to [generosity at work](https://magnanimo.us/generosity-at-work/) has ideas for making thanks part of the week. ## Sources 1. [Seligman, M.E.P., Steen, T.A., Park, N. & Peterson, C. — Positive psychology progress: Empirical validation of interventions, American Psychologist 60(5):410–421 (2005)](https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.60.5.410) 2. [Greater Good in Action, UC Berkeley — Gratitude Letter](https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/gratitude_letter) 3. [University of Chicago News — People underestimate value of sending letters of appreciation (Sept. 5, 2018)](https://news.uchicago.edu/story/people-underestimate-value-sending-letters-appreciation) 4. [Chicago Booth Review — Why we underestimate the power of expressing gratitude (Dec. 2018)](https://www.chicagobooth.edu/review/2018/december/why-we-underestimate-power-expressing-gratitude) 5. [Association for Psychological Science — People Underestimate the Power of Saying 'Thanks' (2018)](https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/releases/people-underestimate-the-power-of-saying-thanks.html) Today's act Write a short letter to someone who helped you and never heard a proper thank-you. Send it, or better, read it to them. [How to do it](https://magnanimo.us/daily/2026-10-30-gratitude-letter/#todays-act) · [Draw another kindness](https://magnanimo.us/kindness-generator/) ## Go deeper Everyday generosity ### [The science of giving: what research says about generosity and happiness](https://magnanimo.us/science-of-giving/) The studies behind "giving makes you happy," what held up when researchers re-ran them, and how to use the findings without overselling them. 7 min read Everyday generosity ### [75 random acts of kindness ideas, from free to five dollars](https://magnanimo.us/random-acts-of-kindness-ideas/) Seventy-five small, specific kindnesses sorted by budget and setting, plus what research says about why they land harder than you expect. 7 min read Everyday generosity ### [Generosity at work: small habits that make a team better](https://magnanimo.us/generosity-at-work/) Workplace generosity is more than a charity drive. It's credit-sharing, mentoring, and covering for each other, and research suggests it helps teams. 4 min read ## More from Today's Kindness October 29 · Science of giving ### [That small kindness meant more than you think](https://magnanimo.us/daily/2026-10-29-kindness-underestimated/) Givers think about the cup of hot chocolate. Receivers feel the warmth behind it. That gap may be why we hold back on kindness. Today's act Do one small, warm thing for someone today, like a note, a coffee or a favor, and don't talk yourself out of it as "too small." October 28 · Science of giving ### [Kindness is contagious, up to three people away](https://magnanimo.us/daily/2026-10-28-kindness-is-contagious/) In a lab game among strangers, each act of generosity was copied down the line, reaching people up to three steps away. Selfishness spread too. Today's act Do one visible, generous thing for someone today, then make it easy to pass on: tell them they don't owe you, just someone else. October 27 · History ### [Paul Newman bottled a holiday gift, then gave all the profits away](https://magnanimo.us/daily/2026-10-27-newmans-own/) A holiday gift in wine bottles became a food company that has given away every dollar of profit for more than 40 years. Today's act Turn something you make well into a small giving project: trade a batch for donations to a kids' charity you have checked out. [Every entry in Today's Kindness →](https://magnanimo.us/daily/)